Party Line

the signal lives in darkness

Issue 6, Spring 2021 2020 Pandemic Review Edition

Another year emphasizes the futility of making sense of what has happened! Congratulations to those of us who are still trying! Keep talking into the mouth- piece and listening to the earpiece. Make the words. Or hum. The lines must

hum, keep them humming.

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Futel Sanitation & Hygiene

Thank you telephone sanitizers for keeping our users safe

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H f I When the pandemic first hit Portland in early 2020 we figured we were in the wrong industry. Surprisingly, Futel phone usage did not decrease by a large amount. We realized that many people were still going to be using our phones

even in hazardous conditions, so we had to make them safer.

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Our solution was to implement tele- phone sanitation and hygiene pro- grams. These would allow the phones to be used safely and provide a valuable service for many non-users of the phones.

Telephone Sanitation Program

The telephone sanitation program con- sists of a cadre of telephone sanitation engineers trained and equipped to regularly sanitize the telephones. The purpose of the program is primarily

to improve the health and safety of telephone users, and secondarily to assure users that the telephones are safe to use.

At first it was difficult to find supplies and equipment. Disinfectant and PPE were sold out everywhere. We were able to buy sufficient amounts of bleach and sponges, and small quantities of rubber gloves, nalgene gloves, and spray bottles. Now that the west coast has settled into our new reality, we are able to keep our supplies stocked.

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To inform users, stickers with the date of sanitation and the engineer's handle are applied after every procedure.

While the sanitization procedure is designed to limit deleterious effects on the telephone hardware, we have had to replace some handsets and appear to be experiencing accelerated keyboard wear. The procedure does create a cool patina on the chrome, however, and makes the informational copy more challenging to read and probably more satisfying for those who attempt to do SO.

Progress And Outcome We have achieved and continue to achieve the safety improvement objec- tives. Keeping a sustainable volunteer force is always a challenge, and the pro- gram would benefit from an additional dedicated sanitation cohort to supple- ment the current volunteers, who are largely the telephone hosts and already have tasks to execute.

Hygiene Program

The hygiene program deploys hand- washing stations to every telephone lo- cation where we are able to do so. The purpose of the program is to improve the health and safety of Futel users or any other individuals who wish to use the stations.

The handwashing stations are essen- tially soap dispensers, water supplies,

and hands free water dispensers. There are several ways to implement this, we chose to base ours on a foot operated pump drawing water from a tank to

a spigot. This is an economical and robust solution but has the large draw- back of being less accessible to wheel- chair users and other people with limit- ed leg mobility. The design objectives of our implementation are to provide water and soap with minimal main- tenance and cleaning requirements, ruggedness when faced with careless or hostile users, and inexpensive parts to discourage theft. The pump is a rubber primer bulb under a pedal, the tank is a bucket or plastic barrel, and the spigot is PVC conduit. A wood and rebar frame anchors everything. A bottle of liquid soap is ziptied to the frame.

To reduce cleaning requirements, the

4 installations do not include a basin

or any other graywater collection, the spigot just empties over the pavement. Because of this the spigot must be to the side to avoid splashing the user's foot.

Soap was difficult to acquire in the ear- ly days of the pandemic, but we were able to get a large container of blue industrial hand soap.

Progress And Outcome We have achieved and continue to achieve the safety improvement objec- tives. There have been surprisingly few instances of vandalism or theft of parts and supplies.

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Handwashing Station Construction Notes

Manifest

primer bulb

e this is a rubber bulb that moves liquid in one direction between 2 barbs

about 6 inches between barbs

3-9 feet vinyl tubing

e length depends on barrel used

e length depends on conduit used

e inside diameter should match primer bulb barbs

plastic barrel

PVC conduit, elbows, barbs as

needed

e depends on barrel used

plywood, plank, 2x4, 2x2, etc. lumber

6 ft rebar x2

hinge e.g. gate or door

soap dispenser

zip ties

duct tape

strapping

conduit brackets or plumbers tape screws, other fasteners

chain or cable as needed, lock

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e a }

Construction Cut plywood base to size to support barrel, toes, bulb pedal. Mark where toes should go in plywood base.

Drill two holes in plywood base at circumference of barrel for rebar. Drill holes in plywood base for zipties to attach bulb, tubing.

Screw lumber toes to base to laterally support base of barrel and protect pump pedal. Assemble pedal out of plank and hinge and attach to base with hinge toward user. Attach pump to base under hinge with zipties.

If needed, drill holes near top of barrel for chain or cable. Drill hole in barrel lid for input conduit. Screw lumber shelf to barrel lid. Assemble spigot out of conduit and barb. Attach spigot to shelf with brackets and/or zipties.

LL | 6 Ae

Place barrel on base, within toes. Ham- mer rebar into earth through holes in base. Ziptie rebar to shelf. Strap rebar to barrel.

Assemble input conduit, easiest is a

length of conduit sawed with a 45 de- gree end, long enough that it can't fall in the barrel when placed in the hole.

Assemble tubing to pump. Ziptie tub- ing to base and rebar, routing so that toes protect tubing on base. Assemble outlet tubing to spigot. Place input conduit in hole. Thread tubing through input conduit until it nearly reaches bottom of barrel.

Ziptie and duct tape soap dispenser to rebar.

Prime pump by pouring water down output tubing until pump can be actuated.

Thread chain or cable through holes in barrel. Lock to stationary object.

Notes Barrel can be remote from pump and spigot or inaccessible, alter base in that case to support pump and spigot.

Input conduit just keeps the input at the bottom of the barrel and discour- ages people from yanking the tubing out, input conduit can be replaced with weight and a conduit T at end of input tubing.

Design is intended to be cheap, easy

to source, annoying to steal or strip, easy to service and replace. A trap at the spigot will make pumping easier. Graywater basin has been eliminated for ease of cleaning, this means that the spigot has to be inconveniently located to keep water away from pumper's foot. This is not our best deployed design but it’s cheaper (if barrels are available), easier, and less labor to build.

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Futel Service Map

North America’s Fastest Growing Payphone Network

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Conspiracy-Fueled Idiots Descend On Futel

High Anxiety But No Casualties In Online Swarm Of Vapidity

1. Willamette Valley Dream Survey

2015

While riding my bicycle home from work in Portland’s SE Industrial Dis- trict, I see a Willamette Valley Dream Survey flyer stuck to an overpass. The flyer invites the reader to call a local number and describe their dreams:

Have you been having strange dreams?

The Willamette Valley Drea Survey is investigating a recent spike in bizarre, unexplainable dreams. If you have been experienc-— ing any unusual dream ac- tivity, you can

reporting a

This is everything known to myself

or any other Futel worker about the Willamette Valley Dream Survey. This article does not contain any further in- formation about them, and none of the characters we will discuss have been able to learn anything about them, or even make plausible theories.

I am of course an immediate fan of the project, because it is based on voice- mail, has low complexity to set up but

oO . many imaginative possibilities, and run by mysterious protagonists who dont ruin it by talking. I add the number to the Futel directory.

This is the complete relationship between the Willamette Valley Dream Survey and Futel. None of the other characters in this article will claim to have any interaction with the Willa- mette Valley Dream Survey other than making unimaginative calls to their number.

2. Reddit May - August 2020

Reddit posts about the Happy Valley Dream Survey start to appear in a mys- tery solving group. The Happy Valley Dream Survey is apparently a copycat project in Utah. Or maybe someone just printed out a fake flyer and photo- graphed it, who knows.

This Reddit group is focused on arm- chair research of conspiracy theories.

Most participants attempt, or at least pretend, to explain mysteries like crimes or strange phenomena, but of course there are a lot of goofs just spin- ning tall tales and having fun.

Mixed in are the ARG, for Alternate Reality Game, players. ARGs are puz- zles which interact with the real world, where clues can be found in physical locations or delivered via media like web pages, email, phone calls, and

text messages. ARGs are often part of marketing campaigns, and an early instance promoted the 2001 movie Ar- tificial Intelligence, but many are made for fun by amateurs. Some are not organized or set up in advance, but un- fold as participants craft explanations and links between real life events and previously shared clues. A collaborative story is created with players trying to get their story line elements accepted by having other players build their own elements on them.

The Reddit group tries to find or invent an explanation for the Happy Valley Dream Survey. They get it backwards and claim that the Willamette Valley Dream Survey is a copy, or perhaps a branch. Someone eventually takes the time to look up the name and finds a newspaper article about Futel which describes finding the Willamette Valley Dream Survey directory entry. Com-

14 menters decide that Futel is run by one

of the surveys, with a minority propos- ing other hierarchies. The motivation for this is conjectured to be a scam of some kind, harvesting phone numbers, behavioral data, or psychic energy.

The story quickly gets embellished by an echo chamber effect. After a report of receiving a weird text message

after calling Futel, other posts refer to those comments, magnifying them in the retelling, describing several cases of menacing calls and threatening messages. Users delete their accounts after posting, which causes a stir and amplifies their ideas. The top theories now involve cult recruitment. The ARG players try to figure out what the clues are and where they lead.

In mid-May, a link between Futel and a collaborative story called “September 5” is accepted as likely based on the strained translation of a gibberish text message. “September 5” is referred to as an ARG, but it’s more of an apoca- lyptic prediction which some people pretend is believed by others. Reddit users make weird posts about it and try to get them repeated. There's no real structure behind it other than the world ending on September 5, but that's enough to to make a post spook- ier by referring to the “September 5

group

A few more posters with advanced

research skills are able to Google us. This allows them to find our web

page and the conference videos that describe how and why we run Futel. A handful of Reddit posts point out that our reasons are plainly revealed, and that it doesn’t seem necessary to tack a sinister occult organization on to that. These are not exciting enough to get attention, and don't advance the story.

Futel starts receiving email about all this in early May. Some ask straight- forward questions about why we list the dream survey in our directory. I answer them, and a few thank me and report back fairly accurately to their Reddit groups. They are followed by people with vague questions or asking to arrange a phone call without ex- plaining why.

At this point I become concerned about qanon pizzagate situations, and stop responding to messages. This is annoying because some of the peo- ple writing are apparently genuinely curious, including telecom geeks and phreaks, with whom it is always fun to talk. And I appreciate conspiracy theorists and have followed a lot of zines, cable access and radio shows, and newsgroups from which these internet forum dwellers descend. Not to mention the conversations and voicemails with some neuroatypical Futel participants. It's annoying to have

to ignore the sincere people.

3. First YouTuber June 2020

The story escapes Reddit with YouTube video by “Floating Head Guy”. This video isn't so bad, mainly because he just summarizes what other people are repeating and knows what state Futel is based in, but the comments immedi- ately plummet to the basic conspiracy theory of the right wing thrall: occult child sex trafficking cabals. Futel spans the continent and is clearly target-

ing low income neighborhoods for recruitment! One poster replaces their comment with “Moving to a more secure channel. They are watching’, a now familiar way of attempting to get attention for later posts without having any actual content to share.

Someone finds another project that shares members with Futel, and asks what the connection is between the two. The next commenter says they heard it was linked to trafficking. In reality, nobody has heard of it.

A. Successful YouTuber

June - July 2020

In early June, Futel gets a familiar salvo

of emails, Twitter comments, and other messages from someone who has a

“quick question”. I notice him when he 15

takes the new tack of using a Patreon of the pile. This guy knows how to lay

subscription message. This is a good down narration over footage of him angle and I decide to respond if his typing into a desktop computer. The subscription survives untilthe endof highlight is an action scene where he the month, when he will actually be videos himself buying a burner phone charged the five bucks, but he cancels —_ at Walmart to protect himself from the before that happens. harmful effects of calling the numbers.

His knees shake, he’s pumped! But, dude, did you bring it home? Did you and your bros turn off of your phones during your shopping trip? You need at least seven proxies!

The gist of the video is that he just doesn't get it. He gets so close! Is Futel an art project? Is it a public service?

In late July, he is revealed to bea You- —=‘There must be more! Why would Tuber when he releases a 40 minute anyone go to all of this trouble? He video on Futel and the dream surveys. can't confess to entertaining a simple I have a grudging respect for him explanation because that won't drive

because he at least sees an opportunity viewership. and puts in the effort. While herding internet mouth breathers is a stupid way to try and make money, it must be recognized that when a niche exists,

it will get filled. Congratulations, “successful YouTuber’, you got paid to churn out content loosely based on our work.

For some reason, he mispronounc-

The video is padded with filler, in- es Futel as “F’tel” and Willamette cluding stock Portland sunsets and as “WILL-ah-met’. This is hard to

long stretches of him reading our understand because he plays Futel and essays while scrolling through our Willamette Valley Dream Survey re- blog and pausing on photographs of cordings in his video which pronounce Futel volunteers. Like the content we them correctly. Does he watch his own have already seen, it is uncreative and content? All of the subsequent videog- mainly regurgitates earlier Reddit raphers and podcasters will copy this

posts, calling it research. In one scene —_ pronounciation. he shows his web browser window as

he types into the search bar, and the This video sets off the most annoying autocompletion suggestions scroll by, | wave of commenters yet. Messages all ending with “reddit” arrive on LinkedIn and GitHub. Opera-

tors start getting calls about it, but at 16 Regardless, this is best executed media least that method attracts people with

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a sense of curiosity. The YouTuber himself doesn't follow up, despite his ominous warnings of a deeper nefar- ious truth behind it. He realizes that he's already achieved peak engagement for the subject. Posts from his fans de- manding that we answer his questions continue to trickle in, but without a community to fuel them, they aren't as threatening.

5. Interlude Why are we seeing this?

Now that we've encountered the first wave of YouTubers and their final boss, we may be able to understand what these people want.

The “successful YouTuber” doesnt real- ly care to learn anything. He just wants to let his viewers think that they are ex- ploring a mystery. He's found subjects and positioning for his videos that will earn him fractions of a cent for each

ad impression. To optimize viewer- ship, they can't involve actual research, because that is boring. His users need to feel like they are intelligent and have knowledge which the masses arent seeking out, but they must consume it passively. If they have to actually work, for example by applying reason, they wont feel successful anymore, because it will be difficult, and they will quit. Those who can perform basic web searches, follow documents of more

than one paragraph, and organize their ideas into logical conclusions will soon see that the exciting explanation is overwhelmingly unlikely.

The other YouTubers, Redditors, and various commenters want the same thing, they're just not as successful. They don't want to find anything, they want to keep looking. If they're only doing the basic minimum of repeating conjectures, they can convince them- selves that there's something there and that they are doing important work. Because of this, the community tends to select paranoiacs, apopheniacs, and other delusional people.

We did not expect this kind of atten- tion because Futel is a very open orga- nization. Our implementation notes, processes, budgets, grant proposals, and code are publicly accessible. We link directly to these repositories on our website, where we invite collabora- tors. So many of these questions could be answered in two clicks!

An unfortunate quirk of this group is their susceptibility to being lead by the nose with a technique familiar to view- ers of right wing news media, known as JAQing off, for Just Asking Questions. Is there any truth to the rumors about Futel's link with sex trafficking? Why are Futel phones found in low income neighborhoods? Is it because people

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there are susceptible to cult recruit- ment? What horrible fates occur to those who call these phone numbers?

It would be so easy to grief these people. We could divert them with sock puppets. We could set up fake backdated blogs. We could provide keys to extracting secret messages from mainstream newspaper articles that said what we wanted them to say. It

is tempting to lead them along to get them off our backs, or at least burn the story out faster. But we don't want to hurt the people who are genuinely delusional, or inadvertently trigger some random violent reaction on an innocent bystander.

6. Candles August 2020

The next rung in the descent begins with “Candles”. We saw him earlier when he was “moving to a more secure channel’, which turned out to be his YouTube channel. “Candles” saw the fortunes available to successful You- Tube slingers and decided to start his new career with a “deep dive” into the dream surveys and Futel'’s evil machi- nations.

All of “Candles” ideas, and his pronun- ciations of Futel and Willamette, are from the “successful YouTuber’s” video.

but he does have perseverance, even-

tually visiting a Futel phone in Detroit and buying all of our mail-order litera- ture (thanks for your support!). He also has a flair for storytelling, inventing a police escort which accompanies him to the phone and drives off several shady Lincoln Town Cars with tinted windows which are later seen prowling his neighborhood. He also claims that his phone acts strangely after calling the numbers, and that he receives threatening calls and emails from Futel in response to his discoveries.

His main schtick is to find weird corners of the phone menus, embellish them, and suggest links between them and other exaggerated reports men- tioned on Reddit. Like everyone else, he doesnt have any evidence for his conclusions and can only trail off about how he just can't believe an explanation that doesn't involve weird cults. Why would someone go to all this effort? There must be a reason!

“Candles” is not as worrisome because he doesn’t have much of an audience and is clearly not good at what he does, but his followers are kind of sad. In one of his several “going dark” moods, he announces that Reddit is not secure enough, and herds his crew into Face- book and Discord groups with open membership.

One ARG guy is smart enough to seek clues not provided by “Candles”, and visits our IRC channel. He actually tells us what he is looking for and is able

to ask questions and read responses,

so he quickly learns that there are no real ARG hints on the phones, and that its shockingly easy to find a story that makes much more sense than a mind control cult. He checks back in with the Discord group and says that there doesn't seem to be anything to pursue. “It’s nothing different than those die hard D&D kids we all knew.’ Since nobody has anything to refute this, theres nothing interesting for him, so he leaves. “Candles” is annoyed by this and says that he’s being watched and has to go dark for a while. After a few days of rudderless discussion, everyone with even rudimentary critical think- ing skills has left. It's “Candles”, some trolls, and a few delusional people. One person only posts over and over about how it’s all coming together and he can almost see it.

“Candles” makes a short followup video about Futel, and then desperately tries to keep his career going with vid- eos about subjects needing his investi- gation skills, like the Mothman. He still occasionally makes exploratory posts with fabricated stories about threats

he has received from Futel, usually fol- lowed by another “going dark” period

19 when he doesn't like the response.

He makes an appearance on a podcast hosted by a pair of cringe frat boys, talking about his ongoing investiga- tion and the bombshells he is about to reveal, and continuing the tradition of mispronouncing Futel and Willamette despite playing several clips which say them correctly. During the interview he plays a recording of his operator call (thanks, asshole), which I fielded without knowing who he was, and calls me an asshole for not explain- ing enough to him (thanks, asshole). He and his hosts whine about how spooky and unfriendly we are and how suspicious I am in particular, and then they let “Candles” talk about the hard won information he is about to drop until they have enough banter to fill an episode.

This is the most disenheartening

part of the stupid saga for me. “Can- dles” is sharing my name and photo while making vague accusations. His moronic followers are calling me a sex criminal. I start to question my own wisdom. These feelings are familiar when working hard on a quixotic proj- ect, but with Futel I get occasional lifts from messages from strangers about how the phone have helped them. Now I'm just getting abuse. My neighbor- hood barista asks me if there's anything to the Reddit “rabbit hole”. I stomp out and find a new place to get coffee.

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I spend an evening in my basement salvaging payphone parts, which is calming. These stupid people will never understand what it feels like to be creative and listen to others. Against my better judgement I exchange some friendly emails with a graveyard shift circuit etcher who writes about his dream communication and the phreak- er history he’s reading, which helps my morale. Fuck these trolls, I know what my motivations are, and I’m not going to let them get me down just because they cant fit me in their worldview.

7, Various podcasts

August - October 2020

That last podcast is bothersome be- cause “Candles” is clearly grasping at whatever he can to keep the story alive. He workshops a lot of his personal attacks against me in his double secret Discord group, but this is the first time they are published. Luckily, we are now seeing the decline of Futel as a worth- while vehicle for cranking out content which can attract enough attention to be monetized. At this stage, it’s all pod- casts full of ads for podcast advertising networks.

The first set of these recycles talking points from the initial Reddit and YouTube content, just as we've seen on

2) YouTube. The second set recycles the

first. Thankfully, the segments cover- ing Futel and the dream surveys get smaller and smaller with each pass. Eventually the Futel content is just a quick piece in a list of short creepypas- ta summaries. One of the later ones is put on YouTube with video, a pair of teenagers sitting at their desks talking into webcams. It’s a nice way to end the story, we hope. Go kids! Talk about weird stuff on YouTube, practice for better things!

8. Conclusion

This parade has hopefully run its course among all but the dregs and random comment threads. To anyone who comes across us while looking for spooky stories, welcome, find our phones, call your mom. To those who are trying to scrape up money or fame from this, sorry, it’s a stupid way to try and grow your personal brand. Avoid live weaponized memes! There's a cul- tural cold war going on around you, a real war, the kind with ordinary people getting killed. The only way to win is not to play. The life of an unwitting soldier is not a happy one!

Year in Review

Futel did well in 2020, considering.

We slogged through the pandemic, at least that part which has so far been experienced, and adapted to support our users with the development of the sanitation and hygiene programs.

e We deployed one new phone and many new hand washing stations.

e Wildcard Line episode 7 was re-

leased. Contribute to the Wildcard

Line from any Futel phone.

e We completed the Hold The Phone

project in partnership with Open Signal, featuring three contribut-

ing artists and funded by a RACC grant.

in Detroit in the first half of the year when the shit started to hit the fan. Later in the year, a 911 call placed on the Detroit Futel phone to report a house fire was connected to emergency services faster than an attempt from a cellphone that was already in progress. Usage for the year included:

e over 22000 handset pickups

e over 13000 calls received by the incoming line

e 9370 outgoing calls

4e 65 calls to the Futel voice confer- ence

e 121 calls to the mayor of Detroit

e 116 calls to a randomly selected

We received an Awesome Portland May 2020 People's Choice grant to support the implementation of the

American concentration camp

92 calls to the Payphone Demulti- plexer

sanitation and hygiene programs.

Most importantly, we continued to provide services to our phones and incoming line. Usage greatly increased

MINUTES

e 79 attempts to communicate with the Druids of Sisyphus Gardens

e 45 calls to the mayor of Portland

e 34 calls to the Willamette Valley Dream Survey

2020 Operator Log Excerpts

Eleven operators logged over 42 op- erator calls in 2020, providing infor- mation, assisting users, and sharing conversations, many quite boring but also many not boring at all. Here is

a sample of logged calls, with some sensitive and many less interesting examples removed.

2020-01-07 Caller asked, “which operator is this?” I replied that it didn't matter and dis- connected.

2020-01-21

Caller asked if I could place a call and gave me a number, I told them how

to get a dialtone. Caller asked a long confusing question, something about whether this was a government benefit and which organizations were involved. I told them I didn't understand the question but I hoped they benefited from it. Caller talked about what they were doing, again something confusing about telecommunication abilities or maybe telepathy, I told them I was glad to hear it and said goodbye.

2020-01-31

Caller asked for the number of a retire- ment community.

2020-02-04

Talked with caller, who appreciated the chair. Isn't it cold there right now? You f-in know it’s cold.

2020-02-05

Caller asked for a residential number.

I advised that I was just googling and probably couldn't help. Caller provide a name and street in Albuquerque. I was able to recite three numbers off one

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of those stupid name lookup sites and advised caller about their source. Caller repeated numbers to verify, I corrected two mistakes, caller apologized and said they were writing them down in the rain in Portland.

2020-03-25

Dude called to report “hello operator? I'm calling to let you know that the phone on the corner of Killingsworth and (??) has been wiped down and sanitized with bleach” I told him thank you and to stay safe out there.

2020-03-30

Caller requested the number for Henry Ford Hospital, which I provided.

2020-04-09 Caller asked how to celebrate their best friend's birthday, I told them to give them a hug.

2020-05-26

Caller wanted to know how to make a call. Operator explained dialing 1. Caller blessed operator and everyone involved in providing this heavenly service.

2020-05-31

Caller wanted to place a call, I told them how to.

2020-06-01

Caller asked for information on manu- facturing PCP. I found instructions on Google, but was unable to summarize them over the phone. Caller neverthe- less appreciates the service.

2020-06-18

Caller was confused about what they they should say after I answered their hello, I hung up.

2020-06-23 Caller wanted the number for OHSU, asked if I could forward them because they didn't have a pen. I could not but repeated the number with them.

2020-06-26 Caller wanted to know “what the fuck is a Futel?” Caller was trying to make a collect call. I suggested they try a free call instead. Caller hung up. 2020-07-01 Caller asked what time it was, I told them. I forgot to tell them that there was a utility menu entry for that.

2020-07-01 Caller asked me to call 911, I told them to hang up and call 911.

2020-07-04 Caller and friend asked why I/Futel ex- ist. Attempted to explain. Caller hung up mid-attempt.

2020-07-13 Caller asked for the number of a Happy Valley hospital, which I provided.

2020-07-20

Caller wants to make a call, Asks if the phone is working. Explained dialing 1. Caller hung up mid-explanation.

2020-07-21

Caller reported static on the Clinton

St. phone. Then she/they/it asked all 23

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sorts of weird, intriguing questions re: the meaning of September 5th 2020, the Willamette Valley Dream Survey, the manifesto printed on the Futel payphones, etc. We had a long-ranging and interesting discussion about the nature of reality and the meaning of the various texts on the Futel telephone.

2020-07-25

Caller asked how to report a dream, I told them to use the directory. Caller asked what happens to the dream re- cordings, I replied that it was an exter- nal number and I didn't know. Caller started telling me an obviously fake dream, I suggested that they report it and hung up.

2020-08-07

What is this, is the dream survey available here, what other interesting choices are there, blah blah blah, just try it already.

2020-08-23 Caller wanted the number to report their dreams. I told her the WVDS is in the menu system, tho i could not recall where. I offered to record the callers dream in the Futel log instead. Caller dreamed they had just killed two peo- ple — they didn't recall who — and was running from the law. They found their child, confessed the crime, and they absconded together. I wished them a

better dream tonight.

2020-09-06 Caller asked how to call the Druid, I told them to use the directory.

2020-09-09

Caller’s grandparents are visiting in the house upstairs. Caller also has a spider living in their window. Caller attempt- ed to conference in the spider, but could not operate the speakerphone. Caller explained that spiders have their own telephones built into their webs. Discussed literature, comic books, etc. Then caller had to go.

2020-10-07

Caller asked for the police non-emer- gency number, which I provided.

2020-10-12

Heard a series of tones, after I an- nounced myself sounded like the caller was using the phone keypad. Tried announcing myself again but when the tones stopped there was what sounded like hold music. Girl from Ipanema. Ended the call.

2020-10-22 Caller asked the Operator if they could help them reach a named individual. Operator asked for more information about them. Caller told her Never- mind, and ended the call.

2020-11-22

Caller needed to get in touch with a friend or family member but had no phone numbers. i searched for a few names for them and expect they will call back for some additional number hunting.

2020-12-08 Caller wanted the number of a motel in SW Portland, which I provided.

24

Druid of Sisyphus Gardens Log

The Druids didn't exactly keep great records in 2020 (except for September), although it was a great year (Fu- tel-wise). We received many memora- ble calls from memorable callers. April Caller wanted to know how to turn into a dog. A Transmutation spell like Polymorph Self should work.

September 21 Caller asked if they could visit Sisyphus Gardens, I told them Id get back to them on that. Caller then asked how long I’ve been a Druid and how old I was because they are interested in Dru- id stuff. I asked them if they had any other questions; “What's your favorite color?”

September 27 Two callers enjoying a nice mushroom time. Answered the first caller’s ques-

tions about Druids and Futel. The 2nd caller said they found out about Futel from the Dream Survey YouTube. They asked if I do this all day (sure, tech- nically) and if our phone was red like they imagined (the cord is). September 27 Two different callers, the first caller was excited to finally talk to the Druid because they live close to the location of the first Futel. Second caller wasn't sure what to ask me, so I said I can pro- vide Druidic advice or Druidic secrets. Provided them with a Druidic secret.

September 28 M called, they have been calling every time they find a new Futel phone! October 25 Caller told me their pitch to Netflix and asked me what I thought. I said I try to avoid being judgmental.

~ Pleas, =, : a. be brief on

Vv Avoid needless cal]s

V Space calls sO Parties have 4

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chance at the line

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"mergencies

SINGLE LINES or PARTY LINES....

December October 28

Detroit called! Provided them with “Hello, I went on a run today and solid Druidic advice for the New Year. _ found this super cool phone, so you have a wonderful day and you are so

Recorded Voicemails beautiful and the world is a happy place?’

April 1 Caller left a good-natured personalized prank voicemail. A+

July 30 “T know this is a simulation, I just want answers.

August 1

“Hi. I found your number at a Futel phone. I just wanted to let you know youre beautiful.” August 2 “Uh, I don't really know who you are, but I would love to come check out your job. Alright”

September 9 “Hey Dru-dru, what's up, haha, just checkin’ in, because you're supposed to

26 bring the beer to the party.” 26

Death of the Payphone

Many of the scars from amputated urban furniture are recognizable,

and if the concrete is old enough the fossil record of a block will show the advances and retreats of different eras of hardware. Among the horse rings, parking meters, and bus shelters can be found several different methods for mounting payphones.

Payphone locations are especially in- teresting because each is a place where many people have had emotional expe- riences. This small concrete pad buried in leaves was the site of the payphone in front of the library on SE Belmont. It was the phone nearest my house in the late 1990s and I spent many hours here with my red box talking to people, including my mom, my girlfriend, and a publisher who owed me money.

I dont recall any particularly mem- orable conversations and if you find

a ghost lingering here it is probably not mine, but this was a street corner where I hung out a lot, in the sun and rain, night and day. I recently walked by with my family and wasnt really able to convince them why I was so interested in this scrap of concrete.

Someone claims to have snagged a piece of the phone booth used by Jello Biafra to escape from those jocks. They were walking by when it was being de- molished. After John Dillinger was shot by feds in the phone booth in front of the Biograph Theater, onlookers soaked their handkerchiefs in his blood for souvenirs. I wonder if anyone took the gory handset?

Support us by subscribing on Patreon, buying a T-shirt or button, buying Party Line issues 1-5 from Microcosm Publishing, or making a PayPal donation courtesy of CTRLH, see our website. Futel is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization.

Potential installation host? Contact us. Want to hack on Futel? See our repositories on Github. Creator of interactive audio art? We can help you implement your ideas in this exciting new format.

Dial 0 from any Futel phone, or speak to the operator at 503- 468-1337, or email us at operator@futel.net, or see our website at http: //futel.net. Thanks to everyone who has supported Futel!

28 28

29

Labor

Director: Karl Anderson. Developers: Karl Anderson, Tishbite, J. Plumb. Operations: Karl Anderson. Hygiene and Sanitation: M. Lippincott. Operators: Karl Anderson, Tishbite, xnor, B. M, M. Lippincott, A. Frankenstein, M. Hansen, Anonymous, Anony- mous. Physical Plant: B. Casey, M. Casey, M. Lippincott, R. Senior, S., Sebastian Noack, J. Mejia, J. Plumb. Troubleshooter: Ry4an B. Production: J. Plumb, xnor. Design: D. Wager. Art: D. Wager, B. Thunderblood, Fiona Bearclaw, Lance E. Pants. Media: J. Mejia, B. Richardson.

Contributors Thanks to our Public Telephone Hosts: G. Upshaw, xnor, M. Han- sen, Daniels Memorial, Lesley Harper, Landline Creative, Salu- thaus, Sebastian Noack, Open Signal, and J. Mejia.

Futel’s 2020 operations are funded in part by the Regional Arts and Culture Council. : , ¥& Regional Arts & Culture Council

Futel’s 2018 and 2019 operations are funded in part by Nelson.

Thanks to PDX Hackerspace, Dug Song, Russell Senior, Snaptor- toise, the Precipice Fund, Calligram Foundation, and The Andy Warhol Foundation for the Visual Arts, Awesome Ann Arbor, Awe- some Portland, the Twilio.org Impact Corps Program,Hobotech, the Personal Telco Project, Free Geek Portland, ToorCamp, Sharita Towne, Drew at MOHDI, B. Davis, and B-Line Urban Delivery for their support. Thanks to everyone who has donated time, money, expertise, and materials.

FUTEL

OPERATORS ARE SOMETIMES

STANDING BY

503-468-1337 » futel.net

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Words and Music by GREGG DIAMOND Recorded by ANDREA TRUE CONNECTION on BUDDAH RECORDS

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BUDDAH MUSIC, INC., DIAMOND TOUCH & MRI MUSIC

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Cotumbis Pictures Public ations